time in store
by seilleanmor
Summary: Post-ep for 5x22. I liked it, so sue me. Spoilers for 5x22 and 5x17
1. Chapter 1

And the unfailing sense of being young

Spread out like a spring-woken tree, wherein

That hidden freshness, sung,

That certainty of time laid up in store

_**Love Songs in Age**_**, Philip Larkin**

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**time in store**

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"Where are we going?"

She watches the slow dilution of understanding across his eyes and then the lift to his brow as he makes the decision to misinterpret her.

On purpose, damn it Castle.

"To the bedroom." He gives her that lopsided grin and brushes his fingertips over her knuckles, starting to take her hand and then letting it go, walking away.

She watches him straighten the corner of the towel, a hitch in his breath. His hand trembles and he shoves it into his pocket, turns back to face her. "You coming?"

"That's not what I meant."

He comes back for her, their toes kissing. He's so close, the fortress of his body leaching heat into her, easing the crack in her bones. But even still. . .he does feel impenetrable sometimes. Right now.

"I- yeah. I know."

Castle slips his hands around, an undulating slide over the hills and valleys of her ribs and down, diving to reach her back pockets. A gentle squeeze that feels like possession, like he's saying _mine_.

That's never been up for discussion. Even that one moment of ephemeral desire, even when her eyes were fluttering shut and Vaughn leaning in, she never stopped wishing it were Castle instead.

Castle looking at her like she's special, intriguing, like she's _remarkable_. And maybe that's not fair, maybe it's stupid of her to expect him to want her all the time, but it stings.

"So answer the question."

"Kate-" He grits his teeth, that sharp line of tension lancing across his jaw again.

"_Castle_." She wants to say, _please_.

He tugs her against him and even with the pull of fear in her guts, the sluggish, thick terror, she flushes with want.

"Do you really want to do this now? It's late. We're tired."

His shoulders sag even as he says it, his hands in her pockets heavy enough that her pants gape at the back, cool air curling in wisps against her spine.

"Yes. The next time someone asks me if we're serious, I don't want to hesitate." She presses her mouth to the scar at his chin, tries to heal him with her apology.

He gives it back, rakes his teeth over the silvery line the triple killer left at her cheek, a breath that condenses, made liquid.

"You hesitated?"

Kate fists her hands in the material over his hips, tugs his shirt free from his pants so she can slide her palms over the cool and lovely skin of his waist. "Yeah."

"Why?"

She ducks her head a moment, long enough to swallow back her pride, and then she meets his eyes. "Well. Are we?"

"_Yeah_." He breathes it in supplication against her temple, moving to kiss the shell of her ear, a shard of her neck. "Yes, Kate. Do you doubt that?"

"Really?"

He huffs a sigh into the shadowy pool of her collar bone, pulls back to look at her before she can cradle the back of his head and keep him there. "_Yes_. I feel very seriously about you, Kate Beckett."

She grins at that, the set to his jaw that tells how desperately he believes it. Them. "But do you want. . .serious things?"

"What does that mean? Kate, you gotta help me out here. What are you asking?" He tucks her hair back behind her ear, cradling her cheek a moment.

Kate leans into his touch, circles his wrist with slender fingers. "I don't want us to become stale. I tried to spice things up and you brushed me off."

He opens his mouth to argue and she arches her neck to kiss him, equal parts desire and the need to shut him up.

"I know it's not fair of me to expect you to want me all the time. That's a double standard, I know that. I've said no to you before. But this isn't the first time. And it stings."

His other hand comes up, palms cradling her cheeks. "When?"

"That case with the haunted video. You wouldn't come home with me. That night had such potential. Could have been. . .intense." She smirks at him and he groans, their foreheads brushing.

"Yeah. That was a wasted opportunity. I just couldn't." She nods, starts to turn away and then he's got her again, keeping her close against his chest. "I don't want a last time with you."

_Oh_. Yeah, okay, so that makes sense. But still-

"But you wouldn't even kiss me after we caught the damn killer, Rick."

He grins, his eyes glazing over with memories of that night. The catch and desperate release of his breath over and over. Her mouth, cold and hot and cold again. She made it good for him. "Sure I did. With the ice cubes. We did more than just kiss."

"But before that. You basically told me you've wanted me for three years but you still wouldn't kiss me."

"Okay. I screwed up. But Kate. If you think I don't want you-" his palms skim low to cup her, bringing her closer in so their hips meet and she gasps, feels him hot and ready. "All the time, Kate."

"But you don't-"

He surges, bruising in his kiss, his tongue and teeth in a slow and somnolent conversion of her. She's finding faith with every glance of his mouth across hers, every sacred whimper he draws from her throat.

"Don't act on it? Only because you are worth so much more than sex. I don't want you to think that's all we have."

She bites her lip, swallows back the sharp tang of iron. "Sometimes I feel like it is, though."

"What do you want, Kate? What more do you want us to be?" There's nothing accusatory in it, a quietly hesitant question she draws in to herself, nurtures in the space behind her ribcage.

"I want you. All of you." Kate maps the crescent moon of his smile with the pads of her fingers, says it again. "I just want you."

"My mother thinks we should get married. She thinks that's true commitment." Castle sighs, his eyes shuttering closed.

And even as he seems to be disputing that, his thumb seeks out her third finger, smoothes over the bare patch of skin.

"What do you think?"

He kisses her again, resting a moment with their noses brushing, a palm curled around her shoulder. "I think I want you too. And if you want that, marriage, then we'll do that. But if not, we change some things."

Kate beams at him, something in her heart releasing. "Change what?"

"Our addresses."

She laughs, quirks an eyebrow at him. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"

"Yes."

She expected a joke, a rebuttal, and his tender, desperate need knocks the breath right out of her.

"I'm not saying tomorrow. I'm not even saying definitely the loft. But I want you to come home to me every day. I want to cook you dinner in a frilly apron and meet you at the door and kiss away the tension. Every day."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

Castle's smile knocks against hers, their teeth clacking together in their kiss and she laughs more, clutches at him as he lifts her off her feet.

"I love you, Kate. I love you."

She runs her thumbs over his ears, the so-soft shells, and feels her silly, tender heart spill out across her face. So in love with him.

"Frilly, huh?"

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**Tumblr:** katiehoughton

**Twitter:** seilleanmor


	2. Chapter 2

"Will you play with me?"

She laughs at him, her fingers trailing a path down his stomach, slipping over skin softened by massage oil. And then she reaches-

_Shit, Kate_.

His hips buck into her hand and she leans in, presses the curve of her smile to the stubbled place at his jaw. Her teeth catch the papery skin and he hisses, clutching at the summit of her shoulder.

"I thought I wore you out."

Castle groans and goes for her hips, sliding her lower body along the sheets. Away. "You did. I meant the game."

Kate's forehead settles at his chin and she brushes a kiss to the dip between his clavicles, humming a sigh that swirls in the cavernous place.

"The game?"

"Yeah."

She comes back in against him, the loose and sinewy line of her body curling up so the sheets ripple around her. "Why?"

"It's fun."

For a moment he thinks maybe he shouldn't touch her. Not now, while she's only half here. He doesn't want the press and glide of his hands to lull her to sleep, take her from him.

She's beautiful when she sleeps, but she's even more beautiful like this. Somnolent and soft and that slow, easy smile that he can't help but kiss away.

Kate lifts her head to expose the creamy arch of her neck to him and he tastes, tongue and teeth working at her until she gasps and curls a hand around the back of his head, her elbow braced against his shoulder.

"For you, yeah. I'm not really a video game sort of girl."

"It's a great game though."

He lets her ease back from him, her palm flat against his chest so he knows she won't go far. She smoothes her thumb over his sternum, slow circles that make his breath hitch, her name crumbling to dust against the back of his teeth.

"Why do you want me to play? It's your thing."

Castle brushes her hair back from her cheek and cradles her face, feels the rise of her cheekbone against his heart line. "It could be _our_ thing."

"I don't want to turn into one of those couples who have to do everything together. You don't run with me or do yoga. Those are my things. And you need to have yours."

He watches her battling back her irritation, keeping her voice soft and low for him. But it's okay. He likes the fire, likes watching her fight for them.

"I know. I just thought you might. . .want to."

He feels like an idiot now, really. Of course asking her to play the game with him is not a good enough substitute for what she wanted to do. Only, he feels like he's lost so much ground just with that one mistake and he doesn't know how to reclaim it.

So much doubt in her eyes now where she used to know.

"No. I wanted _you_. And you were busy. I shouldn't have gotten as upset as I did."

That stings. He didn't know how much it would hurt her to be rejected. Every time she's cradled his face and kissed him and said _not tonight, Castle_, he's seen it coming. Anticipated it.

But then it's Kate. It's Kate, and it's him, and she spent the first four years of their partnership saying no to him. So he expects it. And she expects him to pursue her, want her.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry."

She kisses him, tender and fleeting and beautiful, and then she finds his hand and knots their fingers together. She doesn't usually do this, prefers the kiss of their palms, and the clash of their knuckles draws in sharp focus, makes him gasp.

"Don't be. I know your brain. I know that when you get focused on something it's hard for you to let it go. It was the same place you go to when you write."

"But it hurt you."

Kate sighs and brings her knee up to press at his thigh, their bones jostling for space under his quilt. Theirs now, really, since she helped him pick out new sheets last month.

"I was being selfish. I won't deny that it stung, but it's me that should be sorry."

"You? Why?"

Castle feels a shiver run through her and reaches down next to the bed, finds her shirt on the floor. That gorgeous red colour that makes her skin milky and beautiful, like marble. She sits up to tug it on and when she comes back against him she ends up sprawled half on his chest, her arm banded around him.

"I let Vaughn get close enough to kiss me."

It does hurt him that she did. But it's fine. It's okay. He understands why. He thinks maybe she. . .panicked, a little. About them, about him passing up on her once and whether he'd do it again. And even in spite of that, even with a more handsome, sexier, richer version of Castle himself wanting her too, she stayed _his_. "You pushed him away."

"But even so. I shouldn't have hesitated when he asked if we're serious. I should have told him from the start that you and I were together. For the long haul."

Castle kisses the top of her head, the soft and secret place behind her ear. "It's okay. It doesn't matter. We're here now. On the same page. I'm going to buy a frilly apron tomorrow."

That gets a laugh from her that swirls over his skin, sinks into his pores, and he floods with pride. Vaughn charmed her, yes, but he didn't make her laugh in bed in the middle of the night with no pants on.

"And I'll start packing."

"Yeah?" He breathes it, thick with ever-swelling hope and fragile joy.

Kate lets herself slide off his chest but stays close, her nose pressed to his ribcage. "No. But I will hand over my notice of intent. Not to renew my lease, Rick. I'm not going to run."

"Okay. Yeah. Good. That's good."

She pauses, a moment of stillness that they don't even have to carve for themselves anymore. It just settles over them, like the whispered kindness of an old friend.

"Why'd you laugh at me? When I said that Vaughn wasn't interested in me. You laughed." The question startles them both, Kate shifting to put more space between them.

Castle takes a moment to think, make sure he gets this right. He saw the flash of hurt across her face when he laughed but Captain Gates interrupted before he could do anything about it. When, clearly, he needed to fix it.

"Because that was such a ridiculous thing to say, Kate. That he wasn't interested in you. You're smart. Brilliant, really. In everything, but especially your job. And you're passionate and driven and even Vaughn must have seen that. I don't know how anyone wouldn't."

"Castle-" She hides her face against him but doesn't say anything else, even though he feels her cheeks flaming.

"And you're gorgeous. So absolutely breath-taking. Beautiful and sexy and smoking hot. I know what it feels like to meet you, Kate Beckett. To be blown away by this beautiful, vibrant, intelligent woman. You had me long before I even knew you and I don't blame Vaughn for feeling the same."

Kate shifts in the bed, rising to share his pillow and rest her mouth at his shoulder. Castle turns to face her and his hand falls to the supple curve of her waist, his fingers spanning so much of her.

"He may have done, but it didn't matter. He wasn't you. He wasn't the man I spent four years falling in love with."

Her mouth meets his, something careful and new in it. An exploration, like she wonders if he'll taste different now he knows.

_She loves him_.

"Say it again?" He tries not to clutch at her, knows she needs room to breathe. But her fingers are curling around his jaw, brushing his cheek, and she's smiling. A cracked open, blissful thing.

"I love you."

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**Fin.**

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**Tumblr:** katiehoughton

**Twitter:** seilleanmor


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